went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
