you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
