I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
