Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We're too hungover to prance.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
