So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
