cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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