i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
