how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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