he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
