WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize