it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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