I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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