OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
