Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
