Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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