how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
