once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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