I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
