Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
A bitchslap is in order.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
