PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize