My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
