what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
