Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
