mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
