I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
