I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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