I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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