I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
