I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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