but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
