I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
