I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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