I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
