I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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