the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Randomize
