Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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