don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
