it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
