ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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