My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I know her cup size but not her name....
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
