So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
