It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
