Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
