it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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