2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize