I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
