i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
