my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
