i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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