just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Randomize
