The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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