I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
