The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Randomize
