I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
