Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
