Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Randomize
