Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
