remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
