oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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