I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
