I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
