I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
