It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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