just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
