awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
