why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I came so hard my ears popped.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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