The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
