My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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