So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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