im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Randomize
