yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
God, I missed his penis.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
