She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
